The Gift of Grace When I'm Ungrateful

Recently I had the absolute pleasure of receiving a scholarship that would allow me to take part in a writing workshop course by an incredibly well-known #1 NY Times bestselling author for free! Prior to finding out who the recipients were, I was content. I trusted God with the outcome and knew that even if I didn’t get a scholarship, he was still good and that there would be other opportunities. Even so I was still anxious while waiting to find out whether or not I’d been chosen.

It wasn’t until that afternoon when I finally received an answer through a direct message on Instagram saying I’d been selected as one of the scholarship recipients. Immediately all of the anxiety I’d been feeling that morning melted away and was replaced with excitement! It was as though Christmas morning had come early. I couldn't stop smiling and wanted to tell everyone I knew about the good news I’d just received. (To top it all off, I had tiramisu that evening to celebrate.)

Later however, I found out that another incredibly successful author had launched a writing workshop of her own that was focused on the intrapersonal aspect of writing rather than the structure of writing craft. It was something I hadn’t really seen offered in other writing workshops before. Instantly I forgot about the other workshop and wanted to sign up for this particular one but it was already full. Not to mention out of my budget. In the midst of the rush of excitement followed by disappointment, the happiness I’d experienced earlier had completely vanished. I became frustrated and this lost opportunity stirred up a mix of bitterness, envy, and insecurity within me.

Once I got off social media and had some time to reflect, it hit me just how easily I’d been distracted and that this had an uncanny amount of parallels to how I treated God. To illustrate what I mean, believers often talk about how God gave humanity the gift of salvation through Jesus. When we first receive this gift, it feels like nothing can take away our newfound contentment and we want to share this joy with everyone we know. Yet the moment there’s something “new” and “exciting” that catches our eye, we completely forget about what God has done in pursuit of that new and exciting thing, only to end up frustrated and disappointed when our pursuit turns futile because it can’t satisfy our need for him.

Realizing this convicted me of multiple things. Instead of being grateful, I was greedy. Instead of being humble, I was prideful. I had received the best workshop bundle that the course offered for free and I completely disregarded it. Looking back, I can see just how easily I’d forgotten about the scholarship because I’d fixed my sights on the other workshop simply because of the sheer novelty of it. By being ungrateful, I’d forgotten what a huge blessing it is to be able to save money as a university student. It opened my eyes to how often I disregard God’s gift of salvation in favour of something else that I perceive as being better than him.

Furthermore, even though I consider myself to be thankful for the many things that God has done in my life, my response of bitterness forced me to acknowledge that I’m really not as grateful as I think I am. I was humbled in an area that I’d come to pride myself in. As believers, we give thanks to acknowledge God’s goodness and to cultivate humility within ourselves so the irony of it all was painfully obvious.

Thankfully, God knows our hearts will wander and yet continually shows us grace and mercy and does love and forgive us even when our attention is turned elsewhere. Considering how often I’m prone to wander from him, these displays of grace and mercy so perfectly demonstrate as well as remind me of his goodness and holiness. Additionally because he understands our tendency to wander from him, we don’t have to fear condemnation from him. No matter how far we wander, there is no distance too great to separate us from the love of God (Romans 8:38-39).

While I would still love to do the other workshop if it ever becomes available again in the future, I’m thrilled to be part of the writing workshop course that I'm currently enrolled in. Besides the initial reason I applied for the scholarship was because I wanted structure and guidance for editing and revising so realistically the timing for the other workshop wouldn’t have been right, even if my budget had allowed for it. Sometimes in our focus to get what we want, we forget to look at the bigger picture and that’s exactly what I ended up doing.

Writing workshops are a great opportunity. They allow you to improve and refine your craft. The thing with writing is that it is a lifetime process with continual room for growth and improvement. Additionally, cultivating a heart of gratitude is also a lifetime process with continual room for growth and improvement. Thankfully we don’t have to rely on ourselves to develop a grateful outlook on life. For it is through relying on God that we can recognize the many blessings in our lives, and how lavishly he gives us grace and mercy with each new day.