2022 Reflection: Winter and Autumn

For me, 2022 is a year that can be split into two sections. The first half of the year and the second half of the year. The first was like a long cold winter. The second was like a ray of sunlight on a warm autumn's day.

Winter is always a rough time of year. Visually, it’s one of the most beautiful, but beneath the layers of powdery snow is the dirt and grime that remains hidden from the eye. The grey clouds mask the sun until you eventually forget what it looks like. I can’t recall many instances of peace and happiness from the first half of the year. It all feels like it was a lifetime away. Yet there is one moment that sticks with me. My birthday. Even though I was celebrating another birthday in lockdown, I still experienced genuine happiness. Perhaps the greatest gift I could ask for when January is usually a dreary month for a myriad of reasons.

To put it in less poetic terms, the first half of the year was rough. 2021 was a rough year. It felt like 2022 was going to be a continuation of the difficulties I’d experienced the previous year. Mental health struggles. A lack of purpose in my academic career. A distant, almost nonexistent relationship with God. I was cynical, jaded, and tired. I wondered if God had forgotten about me somehow. No matter how much baggage I left behind in 2021, there were always a few more stones in my bag than I anticipated.

However, on a Wednesday summer night, I experienced God’s love. It’s a simple thing to say, but there is no other way to explain it. For the first time in a very long time, my cynicism melted away like the last layer of winter snow. At that moment, I realized that God’s love is greater than my cynicism or doubt, even when that cynicism is directed towards him. I surrendered the stones in my bag I’d been carrying and left them with him.

Autumn is always a highly anticipated time of year. I left behind the limbo of summertime and stepped into colorful leaves and uncertainty. However, this time with renewed hope in my faith and future.

Now all this isn’t to say that I only experienced good things in the second half of the year. Life isn’t black and white like that. There can be blessings amidst the suffering and suffering in times of blessing. Throughout 2022, I grew tremendously. I got to travel more this year. I made new friendships and also connected with people I didn’t think I’d ever reconnect with. No matter the season, winter or autumn, God was constant. Even when I didn’t always see it.